The question of how often you should compliment your spouse, partner, or significant other may sound silly because it varies from relationship to relationship. However, I will try to touch on a few things that people have in mind when they compliment each other and what the downsides of complimenting way too often are, or at least what most people think the downsides are.
How often should you compliment your partner?
This isn’t something you can count since every day is different, but as a rule of thumb, you should compliment your partner whenever a compliment comes to your mind. If you feel like saying something cute and you hold it back for whatever reason, then you don’t compliment your partnerenough.
I think you can relate to this, or at least you know people that say that you should not compliment your significant other too often because it will get to their head, and they will feel superior to you. I would rate this as the main fear when people compliment each other.
This can happen, and it is very disappointing when it happens, but it is also a sign that you were not in the best relationship, so you can call this situation a win because you dogged a bullet and most probably a toxic relationship.
A person that really loves you should appreciate every single compliment you give if they are sincere compliments, not compliments that you say to reach the perfect number of compliments a day.
So, don’t focus on how often you should compliment a partner and more on how to pay compliments that come naturally to you.
How to compliment your partner sincerely?
Since the “right” amount of compliments doesn’t really exist, the best way to ensure you give enough compliments, not more, not less, is to say every single good thing that comes to your mind.
I will give you an example to make it more clear. If you see a muscle on your boyfriend or girlfriend’s body that looks nice and you didn’t notice before, you can complement that. Even if you are not knowledgeable about calling the muscle by its biological name, it is enough to say “I like the way this muscle looks on you”(and point to it), I guarantee every single person that cares about their body will appreciate that.
For this example, it is important to notice that the compliment was very specific, not a general one like “I like your body” or “You look good”. There is nothing wrong with those when you simply think that your partner looks good at that moment, and it is a general thought. Still, the more specific ones are the ones we usually don’t notice enough, and they have a different effect.
Since the general ones can make us think of “what do you need from me” or ” you just want me to feel good”. I know it’s not a healthy thought, but it happens to all of us when we hear”I love you” or “You look good” too often.
Usually, we are pretty good at feeling the intent behind the compliment. So, if at that moment you feel like saying a general compliment, that’s great, go for it. Your partner will rarely think that you want something from them if you 100% feel the compliment.
Can you compliment your partner too much?
Yes, you can compliment your partner too much if you compliment them just to reach a number of daily compliments, but if you feel everything you say, there is no such thing as too many compliments.
Usually, the problem is the exact opposite, we don’t say every compliment we think of, but we are fairly good at not keeping a single criticism for us; we give them all.
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What happens if they get used to the compliments?
They should not get used to real, sincere compliments since the real ones are not boring and repetitive since you notice different things on different days.
If they get used to the honest compliments and react dismissively to the next ones, you have to talk to them about this. If they start acting superior to you because you appreciate them and actually say it, then it’s a clear sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
Unfortunately, this can happen, especially if you give compliments to a person that lacks self-esteem, and all of a sudden, they feel like they are much better than they actually are because you sincerely compliment them. But the good part is that you know who you are dealing with.
What if you don’t have reasons to compliment your partner?
If you are in a situation where you don’t find it natural to give compliments, that can mean two things:
- You don’t pay enough attention to your spouse/partner.
- You are not with the right person.
It is easy to say that the second one is the case since we hate thinking that it is our fault. But it will be healthier to start with the first one and try to pay more attention to what your partner does, what are their habits, hobbies, and the things they like.
Most of the time, it is the first case in which we don’t pay enough attention to our partners. It can also be a time thing, don’t try to pay attention to your partner one day and conclude that you can’t find anything. Paying attention should come naturally to you and become a habit, not a conscious thing, so you must give it some time before drawing the line.
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How do you react to compliments?
Saying “thank you” or “thank you for noticing” is enough, you don’t need to overreact if you don’t feel it.
However, there is a toxic habit that I noticed many people have. Every time they receive a compliment, they respond with: “what do you want from me”,”do you need money”,”How can I help you” or something along these lines, while laughing.
Hence, it sounds like a joke, but actually, it is a defense mechanism to not become vulnerable and be grateful for the compliment, because they think it makes them look weak, this is why I say it’s a toxic habit. I bet you know people that are reacting like this to compliments, and trust me, I have a sense of humor, but I know how easy it is to receive fewer compliments when you react like this.
So make sure you react as you feel, not as you think you should react to a compliment. If the compliment really changed your day, you can also say that, but don’t say it every time you receive a compliment.
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There is no rule for how many times you should compliment your spouse or partner but make sure you feel what you say every time you compliment them.
Also, don’t exaggerate things, you don’t have to say “wow, it is crazy how nice you’ve done your hair today” if you think that they have done what they usually do, it is enough to say “I like that you take care of your hair every day”.