How To Stop One-Upping Everyone? 8 Great Steps

The fact that you want to stop one-upping everyone means that you already realize that is a problem, and I want to congratulate you on that, it is not easy at all.

As I said in my article about how to deal with one-uppers, I was a one-upper myself, and I know that realizing why it is bad is a big step in the process of stopping being one.

Actually, you are closer to not being one than you are to keeping being one in the future once you realize that. I insisted in my article that is very hard to deal with one-uppers or to fix them. However, if you want to fix yourself is much easier since you’ve already done the hard part of knowing that you have to work on that.

In this article, I will list all the steps that will help you to stop one-upping everyone.

stop one-upping

8 Steps you must do to stop one-upping everyone

1. Understand why you are doing it

Trying to one-up everybody comes from our insecurities, need for attention, and wanting to be respected and appreciated by others.

Making other people feel inferior to make sure you look better than them is not the only way to obtain that, and it is for sure not the best or healthiest way.

2. Learn about what can make others appreciate you for real

You can obtain the same things by being a good listener and really making other people feel good, we actually lack more people that make us feel important than people that try to drag us down, so it’s easy to be noticed and appreciated if you are more emphatic.

That doesn’t mean that you will never have your time, there should be a balance between listening and talking, you don’t want to end up being passive because all you do is listen.

Trying to become more confident is important, not only to be perceived as confident, you can’t fake that for too long. That is the difference between an arrogant person and a truly confident person.

People usually know when someone is confident, and they respect that, and they also can feel when someone is trying their best to seem confident when they actually are not.

Read Also: Is Being Nice Attractive?

3. Know the disadvantages of one-upping

If all we see in one-upping everyone is how impressed they are by us, it is hard to stop doing it. The sad truth is that short-term impressiveness is the only advantage of one-upping everyone.

The disadvantages of doing this are much worse. 

You will get ignored pretty soon, even by close friends and family members in some cases.

-You make people feel inferior, so instead of people having a good time with you, they will have an awful time around you, and this is what leads to them distancing from you.

-You can’t have healthy relationships and friendships. People might like you in the beginning because you seem impressive, but soon enough, they will find out that you are fake, which makes them disappointed with you. Also, in a relationship or a friendship, it is important to listen to the other person and make them feel safe with you; these are not traits that a one-upper has.

4. Stop trying to impress others

I have an entire article on the topic of why it is important to stop trying to impress others, but the thing is that trying to impress others is a vicious circle that will lead nowhere.

When you succeed in impressing someone, you will find out that it doesn’t last long, and next time, you have to come up with something more, which is why I said that trying to impress is a vicious circle.

So, understanding that it is almost impossible to impress people around you is important in stopping one-up everybody.

5. It is ok to be vulnerable

People try to lie and impress others because they feel like this makes them not vulnerable in front of others. However, not letting yourself be vulnerable is a mistake.

Check my article on vulnerability to see why I am saying this.

You should know that talking about your personal life as is, with the good and bad parts, without exaggerating, is good enough and makes you more authentic and relatable. This is what people really appreciate because this is what makes us unique and special.

6. Ask a friend to let you know when you are doing it

When you already have a habit of one-upping, you might not even realize when you are doing it.

Asking a friend to help you with this is a great way to accelerate this process since you will not always realize that you are doing it. They don’t have to let you know in front of others since it can be embracing, and you might act defensive, but just the fact that they will let you know afterward is good enough, or they can give you a hint or something when you are doing it.

7. Not everything is about you

Learn how to talk less about yourself. There are moments when you should talk about yourself because it is a personal topic. However, if someone is talking about themselves or anything else, you don’t have to bring up the topic to you.

Avoid saying “Me too” or “I wouldn’t”, those are a few sayings that one-uppers use all the time to bring the discussion to them, and it is very annoying when the topic is not about them, or no one asks how they would do in that situation.

8. Not everything is a competition

Not every time you open your mouth, you are in a competition, so you don’t always have to win a discussion. It is fine if you are equal to or below the person you are talking with, nobody cares about that.
Making every discussion look like competition is cringe for people around you.

Read Also: Losing Friends During Personal Growth


I hope this article helped you will try to work on all those seven steps in order to stop one-upping everyone.

I want to congratulate you again on realizing that you are doing this and trying to improve yourself, you are going in the right direction.