Do you find yourself constantly talking about yourself too much in conversations? It can be easy to get caught up in talking about your own experiences and thoughts, but it’s important to remember that conversations are a two-way street. Not only does talking too much about yourself potentially make others feel unheard, it can also hinder your own personal growth and relationships.
Fortunately, there are steps you can take to stop talking about yourself so much. The best approach is to focus on active listening and asking questions. You can create a more balanced conversation and build stronger connections by showing genuine interest in the other person and their experiences.
Another strategy is to become more aware of your own behavior. This can involve journaling, tracking the number of times you talk about yourself in a conversation, or simply paying closer attention to your own thoughts and feelings. With practice, you can learn to recognize when you’re dominating a conversation and make a conscious effort to shift the focus to others.
I’m an extrovert and a talkative person, so I used to talk a lot about myself since it was the easiest thing to do. But I realized that this is actually a problem when you want to build real connections with people around you since it makes them feel unheard or unimportant.
Let’s get to the article itself.
Why Talking Too Much About Yourself is a Problem?
When it comes to conversations, it’s easy to fall into the trap of talking about oneself too much. While it’s natural to want to share personal experiences, constantly talking about oneself can be problematic. This section will explore why talking about oneself is a problem and the impact it can have on others.
People who talk about themselves too much can come across as self-centered and narcissistic. It can also be seen as a sign of insecurity or a lack of confidence. When someone talks about themselves excessively, it can make others feel like they are not being heard or valued in the conversation.
The Impact of Talking About Yourself on Others
When someone talks about themselves too much, it can have a negative impact on others. It can make them feel unimportant or undervalued in the conversation. It can also lead to resentment and a lack of trust in the person who is doing the talking.
Furthermore, constantly talking about oneself can make it difficult to form meaningful connections with others. People who are always talking about themselves may struggle to empathize with others or understand their perspectives, which can make it difficult to build trust and rapport.
Overall, it’s important to be mindful of how much you talk about yourself in conversations. While it’s natural to want to share personal experiences, constantly talking about yourself can have a negative impact on others and make it difficult to form meaningful connections.
Read Also: Is Talking Too Much A Weakness?
When Talking About Yourself Is Not a Problem?
While it is important to be mindful of how much you talk about yourself, there are certain situations where it is not only acceptable but even necessary to do so.
For instance, when you are asked to introduce yourself in a job interview or a networking event, it is perfectly fine to talk about yourself a bit more. In fact, it is expected.
Similarly, when you are seeking help or advice from a professional such as a therapist or a coach, it is important to talk about yourself and your experiences. This helps the professional understand the situation better and provide appropriate guidance.
Furthermore, in social situations, talking about yourself can be a way to connect with others and build relationships. Sharing personal stories and experiences can help others relate and understand you better but make sure you give them time to talk about themselves as well, or to ask you extra questions, this shows that they are still interested in what you have to say.
Keep in mind that when you are in a group setting, it is important to give others a chance to speak and not dominate the conversation. Additionally, if you are in a professional setting, it is important to keep the conversation relevant and not overshare personal information since they don’t matter as much.
So talking about yourself is not always bad, but it is important to be mindful of the context and the audience and not overdo it. If you realize that this is the time to talk about yourself and you don’t do this without thinking, it is a sign that you are on the right track.
Signs You Are Talking Too Much About Yourself
It’s normal to want to share information about yourself with others, but when it becomes excessive, it can be a problem. Here are some signs that you may be talking too much about yourself:
- You frequently interrupt others to talk about yourself
- You dominate conversations and don’t allow others to speak
- You don’t ask others questions about themselves
- You constantly bring conversations back to yourself
- You overshare personal information, even with people you don’t know well
- You frequently use the word “I” when speaking
- You don’t notice or respond to social cues that others are disinterested or uncomfortable
These behaviors can be a sign that you are talking too much about yourself and not giving others a chance to speak or share their own experiences.
Some reasons people might find themselves talking about themselves too much are feeling nervous when talking to others, having a tendency to ramble due to impulsive behavior, or needing attention and validation.
It’s important to be aware of these signs and to make an effort to listen to others and give them a chance to speak. By doing so, you can improve your communication skills and build stronger relationships with those around you.
Identifying the Root Cause
Before taking any steps to stop talking about yourself, it is important to identify the root cause of the behavior. Self-awareness, triggers, and patterns are all important factors to consider when trying to understand why you talk excessively about yourself.
Self-Awareness
Become more self-aware by paying attention to your own behavior and thoughts. Keeping a journal or log of how often you talk about yourself and in what contexts may be helpful.
I know this is not something we do too much these days but it can help identify patterns and triggers that lead to excessive self-talk. Be honest with yourself about why you may talk about yourself. Is it because you feel insecure or lack confidence? Is it a way to seek attention or validation from others? Understanding the underlying motivations for the behavior is crucial in addressing it.
Triggers
Triggers are events or situations that may cause you to talk excessively about yourself. These can vary from person to person, but common triggers may include:
- Feeling anxious or nervous.
- Being in a new social situation.
- Feeling a need to impress others.
Identifying triggers can be helpful in learning to manage the behavior. When you know what triggers you to talk about yourself, you can take steps to avoid those situations or prepare yourself mentally to handle them more flexibly.
Patterns
Patterns refer to recurring behaviors or thoughts that may contribute to talking excessively about yourself. These patterns may be related to self-esteem, confidence, or social anxiety. Identifying patterns can help you understand why you talk about yourself and what you can do to change the behavior.
For example, someone who talks excessively about themselves may have a pattern of seeking validation from others. By recognizing this pattern, you can work on building your self-esteem and confidence so that you don’t feel the need to seek validation from others through excessive self-talk.
Read Also: Cocky vs Arrogant
Practical Tips to Stop Talking About Yourself
If you want to improve your communication skills and stop talking about yourself, there are some practical tips you can follow. These tips can help you become a better listener and a more engaging conversationalist.
Active Listening
One of the most important skills you can develop is active listening. This means giving your full attention to the person speaking and not interrupting or thinking about what you want to say next. To practice active listening:
- Make eye contact with the speaker
- Focus on what the speaker is saying
- Ask clarifying questions if needed
- Reflect on what the speaker said before responding
Active listening shows that you value the other person’s perspective and can lead to more meaningful conversations.
Asking Questions
Asking questions is another way to shift the focus away from yourself and show interest in the other person. Open-ended questions can encourage the speaker to share more about their thoughts and experiences. Some examples of open-ended questions include:
- “What are your thoughts on…?”
- “Can you tell me more about…?”
- “How did you feel when…?”
Asking questions can also help you find common ground and build connections with others.
If you ask closed questions that are answered with “Yes or no”, the conversation will end suddenly, and you might start talking about yourself soon after to keep the conversation going.
My relationships with people around me, from friends to family and girlfriends(at the time), improved a lot when I started focusing on asking questions and being genuinely interested in what they had to say about themselves and their experiences.
Finding Common Ground
When you find common ground with someone, you are more likely to have a successful conversation. Look for shared interests, experiences, or values that you can discuss. This can help you relate to the other person and make the conversation more enjoyable for both of you.
Empathy and Perspective-Taking
Empathy and perspective-taking are important skills for effective communication. Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, while perspective-taking involves seeing things from another person’s point of view. To practice empathy and perspective-taking:
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
- Try to understand their feelings and thoughts
- Acknowledge their perspective, even if you disagree
Empathy and perspective-taking can help you build stronger relationships and communicate more effectively with others.
It is important to understand that we see the world differently, we don’t have the same experience and the same thoughts, so in order to fully understand the other person, you have not to judge them from your point of view.
Try to understand their background, experience, circle of friends and family to see why they think this way, even if you don’t agree with their point of view at first.
Empathy makes you genuinely want to know more about a person, and this can help you to talk less about yourself.
Overcoming the Challenges
Stopping negative self-talk and talking less about yourself is not an easy task. It requires a lot of effort, persistence, and patience. Here are some challenges that you may face and how to overcome them:
Accountability
Accountability and feedback are crucial to overcoming negative self-talk. It is important to have someone to hold you accountable for your actions and provide feedback on your progress. This can be a friend, family member, or a professional therapist.
Someone you trust and understands why you try to stop talking about yourself. I noticed that many people don’t consider this a problem, so if you all of a sudden ask someone to keep you accountable for this, they might not take you seriously. So make sure you have a proper discussion with the person you trust to help you in this matter.
Persistence and Patience
Stopping negative self-talk and talking less about yourself is not a one-time event. It requires persistence and patience. You might experience setbacks, but it is important to keep moving forward.
The thing is that you spent a lot of time building this behavior of talking too much about yourself so expecting to quickly fix this by following a few tips on my blog or any other source is not realistic.
I know it took me a few years to talk less about me and listen more but I still have moments when I surprise myself by talking too much about myself or oversharing.
Persistence is the key to achieving long-term goals. It involves staying committed to your goals and not giving up when faced with obstacles.
Patience is also important as it takes time to change your behavior and thought patterns. Patience involves accepting things as they are and not getting frustrated when progress is slow.
It is important to celebrate small victories along the way and not get discouraged by setbacks.
Read Also: Is Vulnerability A Strength Or A Weakness?
TLDR
Learning how to stop talking about yourself is a crucial skill that can improve relationships and social interactions. By following the tips mentioned in this article, you can become more aware of your conversational habits and learn how to shift the focus toward others.
Active listening and showing genuine interest in others can help build stronger relationships and create a more positive social environment. By focusing on the present moment and being mindful of your words, you can avoid oversharing and monopolizing conversations.
It is important to note that changing conversational habits takes time and effort. You may slip up and revert to old habits from time to time, but it is essential to keep practicing and making a conscious effort to improve.
Additionally, seeking the help of a therapist or counselor can be beneficial if you struggle with self-centeredness or social anxiety. They can provide valuable insights and tools for improving communication skills and building healthier relationships.
Overall, the key to stopping talking about yourself is to shift the focus towards others and actively listen to what they have to say. By incorporating these habits into your daily life, you can improve your relationships and create a more positive social environment.
