When we think about being nice, we usually don’t associate it with being attractive, but why?
Many of us believed, especially when we were young/teenagers, that women would rather date a bad boy than a nice guy, but is it actually true?
Sounds way cooler to be a bad boy compared to a nice guy, in high school, someone telling you that you are a nice guy was almost like an insult, not a compliment.
Being nice, especially as a guy, has a bad reputation when it comes to getting dates, but is it that being nice is unattractive, or is it something else?
Is being nice attractive?
Yes, being nice is attractive, especially if you are naturally nice and confident. If this is how you are and you are all the time and not only with one person that you like, being nice can be attractive. Being nice to impress someone is not attractive because it is unnatural, and most people will realize that.
The reason why people consider being nice unattractive is that there are many “nice guys” that act this way to obtain the attention of the person they like. It is a way to show someone how nice you would treat them if they gave you a chance. The problem with this approach is that it is manipulative and obviously deceiving since you are faking it.
That is why many nice people seem to lack confidence which is one of the most attractive traits.
And on the other hand, we associate bad guys or arrogant people with confident people, which is not true most of the time, but this is the first impression, so it’s easy to understand why a nice guy can seem unattractive and a bad boy attractive.
You might have noticed that what people want is a confident partner, not a bad one so being nice and confident is very attractive.
When we are young, we might be attracted by some toxic traits like arrogance and narcissism because we don’t really understand that those come from insecurities and a lack of confidence. Usually, this changes quickly when more serious thoughts come along, like making a family or building a career and having someone to rely on, which for most of us happens in our 20s and 30s.
What being nice says about a person?
Being nice is a showing that you have empathy since being nice is good for you but also for the person/s you are nice with.
Being nice to someone can transform a bad day into a good one. If you think about this, doesn’t this sounds like something all of us should want our partners to be capable of doing?
On the other side, a rude, too selfish person will be able to ruin your good days with their attitude.
Also, usually nice people are not as controlling or possessive since they care more about the other person’s feelings.
In hypothetical scenarios or when we decide for someone else, we would never choose a bad/rude person over a nice one, but when we are emotionally attached to the decision, things might change a bit.
Because it is not about being rude or not, it is about how they make you feel, a too-nice person might make you not feel safe, while a rude person might give you the false impression of safety when it comes to the other people around you but not when it comes to them. That doesn’t mean that a nice person can’t make you feel safe, but here I talk about what is the first impression, which in some cases might push you to make the wrong choice.
When being nice isn’t attractive?
Here are a few situations when being nice isn’t attractive or good.
–When you are nice to someone that doesn’t deserve it, and the person you like sees that. That doesn’t mean that you should fight or insult a person that doesn’t deserve your niceness, but you can at least ignore them or treat them rationally, not nice.
That can signify that you are nonconfrontational at all, which can be bad in a long-term relationship
-When you are too nice and end up being overly polite. Saying “sorry” all the time or “thank you” for every little thing might be too much. Saying sorry when someone bumps into you is not attractive, for sure.
As I said before, I don’t want to encourage fighting or anything along this line, but you should at least ignore those people who are not nice to you, and if they continue, things get more complicated, but that’s something else.
-When you are faking niceness. If you are nice only with one person because you want to get their attention, it will seem fake and unattractive since it will be associated with lying.
If you are usually nice to people and confident that this is your personality, that can be very attractive.
You shouldn’t be nice to obtain something, but rather, you should be nice because this is the way you like to be, and you are comfortable this way. Only this way people will perceive you as confident and natural. Everybody likes a person who seems natural, not rude, and yet confident and assertive.
When it comes to attractiveness, there are a lot of qualities that can make you attractive. Still, it also depends on the other person’s preferences since some people find being funny attractive. In contrast, others want more serious partners. Being mysterious or shy can also be attractive, so there is not a trait that is attractive for everybody.
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Being nice is attractive, especially for someone who wants a long-term relationship and knows that being nice does not equal being weak.
I know several people that are weak people, and they are not nice at all, being rude, too blunt, or “bad boy/girl” is their way of hiding their insecurities. At the same time, I also know a few “nice guys” that are nice only to get a date or something, so you should not fake this.
Be natural, understand that being a good person is fine, and doesn’t make you unattractive if it isn’t forced or something.