Selfish vs Selfless – The Perfect Balance(Pros and Cons)

When it comes to human behavior, a common debate revolves around whether individuals are primarily selfish or selfless. As you delve deeper into this topic, you may find that the line between these seemingly opposite characteristics is often blurry and complex.

Throughout this article, you’ll explore the intricacies of selfish and selfless behaviors, and discover that most people exhibit a combination of both. You’ll also learn how each trait can impact relationships and contribute to personal growth. So, buckle up and get ready to challenge your perspective on what it means to be selfish or selfless in our ever-changing world.


In this section, we’ll dive into the definitions of selfishness and selflessness, helping you gain a better understanding of these two contrasting behaviors.


Selfishness refers to a character trait where an individual is excessively or exclusively concerned with their own advantage, pleasure, or well-being, without regard for others(1). When you’re selfish, your actions are driven by self-interest, often disregarding the needs and feelings of those around you.


A small dose of selfishness can be necessary for self-preservation and personal growth. However, excessive selfishness can harm your relationships and hinder your personal development. Your selfish moment could be as simple as choosing to hog the remote control, or as significant as neglecting a friend in need for your own benefit.


On the other hand, selflessness is the act of having little or no concern for oneself, especially when it comes to fame, position, or money. 

In this case, you exhibit unselfish behavior(2). A selfless person is willing to sacrifice their own needs and desires for the sake of others.

Selflessness is often considered a virtue, as it fosters generosity, love, and spiritual growth. Showing concern for the well-being of others instead of solely focusing on yourself can lead to richer, more rewarding relationships and personal development. 

Examples of selfless acts can range from sharing your lunch with a hungry friend to volunteering your time to help a struggling community.

It’s important to note that finding a balance between selfish and selfless behaviors is key to leading a fulfilling life. Too much of either trait can cause problems, so strive for a healthy balance that allows you to grow while still being considerate of others.

Differences Between Selfish and Selfless

Understanding the differences between selfish and selfless individuals helps you recognize the impact of both behaviors on yourself and others. This section will focus on the motivation, behavior, and the impact on others.

Read Also: Stoicism vs Nihilism


Selfish individuals are mainly driven by their personal interests and desires. defines selfishness as the devotion to or caring only for oneself, without regard for others. In contrast, selfless individuals have little or no concern for their own interests, prioritizing the well-being and happiness of others.


When it comes to behavior, selfish people tend to prioritize their own needs and make decisions based on their self-interest. 

They may be less inclined to help others or sacrifice their resources, time, or emotions for the sake of others. 

On the other hand, selfless people exhibit a genuine willingness to assist others, even if it means compromising personal interests, resources, or well-being.

  • Selfish: Focus on personal gains and disregard others’ well-being
  • Selfless: Prioritize others’ needs and make sacrifices for their benefit

Impact on others

Selfish behavior often leads to negative consequences for those around you. It can erode trust, cause resentments, and damage relationships. 

According to Psychology Today, selfishness is generally regarded as undesirable for intimacy, while selflessness is considered beneficial. However, true selflessness requires balance, as constant self-sacrifice can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion.

On the other hand, selfless actions can foster strong bonds, encourage collaboration, and strengthen relationships. Being a considerate, supportive, and empathetic individual greatly enhances your connection with others, and contributes to the overall well-being of your community.

Examples of Selfishness and Selflessness

In this section, we will explore some examples of selfish and selfless acts to help you better understand the differences between the two behaviors. 

By analyzing these examples, you can gain insight into how people display traits of selfishness and selflessness in various situations.

Let’s dive into the examples by looking at specific acts that classify as either selfish or selfless.

Selfish Acts

Selfish acts are those that prioritize one’s own needs, desires, or interests over those of others. These actions can occur in both large and small-scale situations, often at the expense of other people’s well-being or happiness.

  • Taking the last slice of pizza without asking if anyone else wants it can be seen as a selfish act, as it prioritizes your hunger over the potential hunger of others.
  • Not offering your seat on public transportation to someone in need, such as an elderly person or a pregnant woman, is a selfish act that disregards their comfort.
  • Ignoring a friend’s request for help in a time of need because it’s inconvenient for you to demonstrate selfish behavior.

Selfless Acts

Conversely, selfless acts focus on the needs or interests of others, often sacrificing one’s own personal desires or convenience. These actions can have a positive impact on the individuals involved as well as the community as a whole.


  • Volunteering at a local shelter or soup kitchen is a selfless act, as you are dedicating your time to helping those in need without any personal gain.
  • Donating blood or organs is a selfless act that can save the lives of others, even if it may cause you temporary discomfort or inconvenience.
  • Helping a neighbor carry groceries up the stairs, even when you’re tired, is an example of a selfless act as you are prioritizing their well-being over your own comfort.

By observing these examples, you can recognize when an act is selfish or selfless and gain a better understanding of how these behaviors impact the world around you. 

Keep these examples in mind as you continue to evaluate the differences between selfish and selfless behaviors, and consider how you can incorporate more selfless acts into your daily life.

Pros and Cons

As you go through life, you might come across situations where you wonder whether being selfish or selfless is the right approach. Understanding the pros and cons of both might help you make better decisions. In this section, we will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of selfishness and selflessness.

Benefits of Selfishness

Being selfish involves prioritizing your own interests, which can sometimes work in your favor. For example, when it comes to career advancement, focusing on your goals might lead to better opportunities and increased success. A little bit of selfishness can also help you set boundaries and protect your mental well-being by saying “no” when needed.

selfish self care

Think about that time your coworker kept loading you with extra tasks. The moment you finally put your foot down and asserted yourself, you gained more respect and control over your workload.

Drawbacks of Selfishness

While there are some benefits to selfishness, it’s not all rosy. Excessive selfishness can lead to strained relationships, as others might perceive you as uncaring or insensitive.

This can create feelings of isolation, negatively affecting your emotional health. Additionally, constantly focusing on your own interests can limit your ability to empathize, making it difficult to see others’ perspectives or needs.

Remember that one time you refused to help a friend in need because it conflicted with your plans? Your relationship suffered, and it took a lot of effort to rebuild trust and goodwill.

Benefits of Selflessness

On the other hand, being selfless can lead to stronger relationships and a more fulfilling life. 

By putting others’ needs before your own, you demonstrate empathy and compassion, which can foster trust and connection. Volunteering or helping others can also provide a sense of purpose and satisfaction.

help others

Think back to that time you spent an entire Saturday helping a friend move despite your exhaustion. The appreciation they showed made the effort feel worthwhile and even brought you closer together.

Read Also: Nihilism vs Pessimism

Drawbacks of Selflessness

Being selfless does have its downsides as well. Constantly prioritizing others over yourself can lead to burnout, as you neglect your own needs and wants. This can have negative consequences for your physical and emotional health. 

Additionally, people might take advantage of your selflessness, creating unbalanced relationships where you’re always giving and never receiving.

Recall that instance when you kept accommodating everyone’s needs to avoid conflict, only to end up feeling overwhelmed and completely drained. It took a toll on your well-being, and it was a clear sign that self-care is essential too.

Balance Between Selfishness and Selflessness

When it comes to balancing selfishness and selflessness, it can be difficult to find the right equilibrium. 


Being too selfless can lead to burnout and resentment, while being too selfish can result in strained relationships and a lack of fulfillment. So how do you find the balance?

First, it’s important to recognize that being selfish isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, putting your own needs first is necessary for your own well-being. However, it’s important to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy selfishness. 

Healthy selfishness involves taking care of yourself without disregarding the needs and feelings of others. 

Unhealthy selfishness, on the other hand, involves putting your own needs above everyone else’s, even if it causes harm to others.

Similarly, being selfless isn’t always a good thing either. Constantly putting others’ needs before your own can lead to neglecting your own needs and desires. 

It’s important to set boundaries and take time for yourself to prevent burnout and maintain a healthy sense of self.

So how do you find the balance between selfishness and selflessness? One way is to practice honest self-reflection. Take the time to evaluate your own needs and desires, and communicate them to others. This doesn’t mean you have to be selfish all the time, but rather that you need to prioritize your own well-being to some extent. 

It’s also important to communicate with others and set boundaries when necessary. This can help prevent burnout and resentment, and allow for healthy relationships.

Another way to find balance is to practice empathy and compassion. Being aware of others’ needs and feelings can help you make decisions that are beneficial for both yourself and others. This can lead to a more fulfilling life and stronger relationships.

Read Also: Hubris vs Arrogance


As you can see, the question of whether people are more selfish or selfless is not a straightforward one. Human nature is complex, and people can exhibit both selfish and selfless behaviors depending on the situation and their own motivations.

It’s important to remember that being selfish or selfless is not inherently good or bad. Both behaviors have their time and place. For example, being selfish can be important for self-care and setting boundaries, while being selfless can be important for building strong relationships and contributing to society.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how you want to balance your own selfish and selfless tendencies. Consider your own motivations and the impact of your actions on others. By finding a balance that works for you, you can lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.