The question of who is more important between husband/wife or parents is not comfortable for most of us.
We tend to think that parents should always be the most important people in our lives and for good reasons that I don’t have to explain here. You wouldn’t be here without them to ask this question, but does this makes them more important than your spouse?
This is not a question that can be answered with yes or no since not families are the same and not all life partners are the same, also, having kids might change the situation a bit.
This article is about my opinion, so it is not professional advice or something along this line.
Who is more important, husband/wife or parents?
Your spouse is the person you chose to be there for your entire life, you didn’t choose your parents, so this is a good argument for the husband/wife being more important than the parents, especially if you add kids into the discussion. This doesn’t mean that it is like that for all people.
There are relationships where you marry without seeing the other person, like the person you can’t live without, and your parents are your best friends. So it is hard to say that your spouse should be more important than your parents in this situation.
Also, some people talk more and are much more open with their parents than their life partners. Is this good? No, but in this case, their parents are probably more important than their spouses.
For me, my spouse is more important, but we stay together 24/7 and have the same business, habits, and hobbies, we even have mostly mutual friends since we moved to another city together and started from scratch. I feel that she knows me much better than any other person, so it would be hard not to consider her the most important person to me. That doesn’t mean that my family has a problem, I love them two and we respect each other a lot, but from now on my wife is the one I spend most of my time with and I put all the effort into having a great relationship.
I feel like I can share everything with her, while with my parents, I don’t talk as much, not that I want to hide something, but it is not the same as discussing with her, we are more on the same page than we are with our parents, which I think happens to most people.
Read Also: Should You Text A Girl You Like Every Day?
What happens when it comes to choosing between spouse and parents?
First of all, this should not be an option if we talk about a healthy relationship and good parents. But as I said in the article about choosing between family and boyfriend/girlfriend, this can sometimes be the situation. Check that article as well for a few good ideas on this topic.
But as I said there, the person who forces you to choose is most likely a toxic person since no one should put you in such a situation.
That being said, there can be countless different circumstances where they might feel like this is the best thing to do.
Depends on what “choosing” means, if someone expects you never to see the other person/s, you should check twice if that person is worth considering their advice since they put you into a very difficult position.
If we talk about choosing who is more important for you and who you should spend less time with, you have to see if the person that forces you to choose has a good reason or is possessive or jealous.
In any case, you should discuss to let them know how you see those things since they might differ a lot from their point of view.
You should not make a definitive decision under the pressure of someone forcing you to decide who is more important to you.
Step up for your spouse
Many times the parents are the ones that are jealous because you don’t spend as much time with them as before. Unfortunately, you have to set some new boundaries with your parents after marriage.
You should always step up for your spouse if you really love them, of course not when you consider they are wrong, but when it comes to your parents not understanding the situation and so on.
One thing that can lead to your parents not being nice to your spouse is how you talk about your spouse with your parents. We tend to complain and make things look worse than they are, and our parents will want to protect us, and sometimes this might be their reaction. So be careful when you complain about your spouse to your parents to stick more to the facts rather than sentiments and preferably don’t share all the bad things since some of your problems might be better to remain between you two. As we say, “don’t wash your clothes in public” even if the public is your parents.
You should step up for your parents in front of your spouse as well if you consider them wrong about how they talk or see your parents.
Stepping up for your spouse in front of your parents might also positively impact how your parents see your relationship. They might consider it weak since they dare to talk badly about your spouse. You taking a stand might make them change their mind.
Read Also: How Often Should You Call Your Parents?
While I consider my spouse more important than my parents, I know that no one, not even her, should put me in a situation to decide between them.
It is just a matter of life stage, I didn’t consider other girlfriends more important than my parents, so not every life partner is in this category.
There is no straightforward answer to who is more important between wife/husband and parents since there are too many different circumstances.
However, I hope this article helped you see those situations more clearly since while you are in the midst of a discussion, the emotional brain kicks in, and it’s hard to make any good decision.