I know for most people, the question of who pays for a birthday dinner is ridiculous, but the situation is not always black and white.
That is why I decided to write this article and explain the different situations and who is expected to pay for each of them.
Who pays for a birthday dinner?
Usually, the host is expected to pay the bill when it comes to birthday dinners, and guests should bring gifts. Most of the time, the host is the person who is celebrated, but it is not all the time. It can be a surprise dinner, a dinner arranged by the parents or the kids of the one whose anniversary is, which means that it is not straightforward all the time who needs to pay the bill.
However, the best thing you can do is be prepared to pay for your consumption.
I brought a gift for the celebrated person for all the birthday dinners I attended, and they paid the restaurant check for all of us.
I knew some people that had this thing with an envelope with money as a gift for the celebrated person, but all group members knew how much they had put in the envelope, it was like 20$, enough to cover a decent restaurant dinner for the time. It was like a non-written rule for them to come with an envelope, and the host will pay for dinner or the party they organized at home.
The money in the envelope will not work for everybody since some people will feel offended that you offer them money as a gift, but when you are young or in college, I think you can do it with your friends.
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When doesn’t the host pay for the birthday dinner?
The host/celebrated person doesn’t have to pay the bill for all of the guests when they clearly state that everybody pays for themself when inviting them. There is no easy way to say this unless it is a small group of close friends that you feel you can tell them you can’t pay for their meal, but you would like to go for dinner for your birthday.
When it is a surprise party organized by someone else, in that case, if it’s your birthday, you can pay for what you consume, or the group will chip in for what you consumed.
When you let your friends know you don’t want to organize a dinner or something like that for your birthday. But they insist on going out, everybody should pay for themselves in that case. And as unlikely as it sounds, it actually happens quite often.
Not having money to organize such an event can be a good reason for most people to let their friends know that they won’t organize a dinner or a party for their birthday since the expectation is that you should pay for all of them if you do.
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Don’t go for a restaurant dinner if you can’t afford it.
If you don’t have enough money for dinner at a restaurant with friends and family for your birthday, a casual party with snacks and drinks at home might work better.
Honestly, from my experience, those types of parties are usually better for a group of friends than going out to a restaurant. It might not sound so fancy or impressive, but it is more intimate and casual, and everybody can speak freely.
I noticed that birthday dinners are usually too formal for my taste, even if my wife and I like going to restaurants, even high-end restaurants, quite often. This is one of our main types of dates, and one of the main things we spend money on. However, we don’t like going out with groups of people at restaurants because the intent is different when we hang out with friends. People are much more formal and non-personal at restaurants than at home; for a good reason, other people can hear what you talk about, limiting the topics you can touch on.
When you are hanging out with friends, the purpose is to have a good time and talk about a lot of things, not to enjoy and analyze the food you have, so eating good food should not be the main focus for a birthday party, in my opinion.
That’s why a home party with snacks, drinks, and pizza, in the best case, can work better than a restaurant dinner.
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Conclusion
Most of the time, if you organize a birthday dinner, you should pay for everyone you invite. As we discussed, there are several exceptions to this rule, but you should talk with your friends about when you invite them, not at the dinner itself.
Go for a more casual party if you want to have a birthday party, but you can’t afford it or don’t want to pay for dinner for everyone. The worst thing you can do is to go for dinner because you know”this is the way you should do it”, end up being with a quick and underwhelming event with your friends and in the end thinking about how much money you’ve spent that night.
